


Apologies

by KoroMarimo



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Nazi Vampires - Freeform, Nazis, Pain, Polyamory, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, shitty medical stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:28:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoroMarimo/pseuds/KoroMarimo
Summary: You would do anything the Major asked of you.





	Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a prompt on deviantArt and just simply melted because of the ending. Hope you enjoy!

The world was an unfriendly and bright place when you were finally roused awake from your nap. Sleep beckoned to you in some deep recess of your brain, yet it managed to be cunning enough to evade you. It seemed as though you were trapped in this realm of wakefulness, barred from leaving it or at least from enjoying it to the fullest extent. Any attempts made to sit up were rewarded with a feeling that caused the ground to tilt underneath you, the room spinning until you felt so weak you just had to lie back down. So for now the only choice for you was to remain stationary, examining your surroundings and looking for any sort of familiar face. From where you lay in your cot you noticed you were facing the Major seated in a rather old chair with his nose buried half heartedly in a book. His brow was crinkled with worry, you doubted if he was really even paying attention to the words on the page. He glanced briefly in your direction, and when he saw you were awake the book went down to his chair as he came to your side.

“How long have I been asleep?” You asked.

“About an hour.” He replied, taking your hand and kissing all along the soft palm and dainty fingers, “I didn’t have the heart to wake you when Herr Doktor came in to check, but he says everything is proceeding fine.”

“How much longer do I have?” You said softly.

“Well…” He hesitated, almost as if he were unsure, “He said it would be a while yet. You were at least at a six when he conducted the examination. He estimated at least another hour or two.”

You shifted around wincing as you did so. Cots in Millennium were so uncomfortable these days: fifty five years was brutal to any type of cheap military furniture, and it wasn’t exactly the best choice for a weak constitution.

“Are you alright?” He asked, voice etched with concern as he began rubbing your hand.

“I’m fine. A bit tired.” You replied, finally settling down in a semi comfortable position, “It feels like time just flew by at this point. I didn’t think my final mission would come so soon.”

“Time couldn’t have gone any slower.” He countered, “I’ve been waiting so long for this night. I can hardly stand to wait any longer.”

For some reason his little smirk was very aggravating. Of course he could be excited and not worry, he wasn’t the one laying in this lumpy cot. He wasn’t the one that suffered for his work.

“Considering you’re not on the receiving end I’m sure it was a pleasurable little wait.” You said rather sardonically.

Major’s face clouded over. A stark contrast of emotions which was as prevalent as night and day.

“Then you’re not happy about this?” He asked, brow contorted in a frown.

“Of course I am Max.” You growled, “You just don’t understand. It’s not all simplicity and sunshine. You didn’t have to go through treatments, diet changes, worries of being put on yet another drug and wondering if it would work or if it was just one of Avondale’s hair brained ideas. I’ll be glad when I can feel like my old self again. If that’s even possible.”

“So you regret this? You never wanted this to happen in the first place did you?”

“I never said that Major! You just don’t understand-”

“But your tone of voice says everything… Don’t lie to me.”

His voice was unnaturally calm, never once did he really raise his voice or even curl his lips into a snarl. For all intents and purposes he looked the very picture of normalcy, but his eyes betrayed him with a fiery rage burning behind them. He remained stormy until you touched his chin with the tip of your fingers. He turned away briefly, not wanting to meet your gaze.

“I have no regrets Max, really.” You insisted upon seeing his face, “It’s just an uncomfortable time right now. You don’t know what it’s like. Going through all this heartache and treatment.. I am happy that I took on the task.”

“You’re sure?” He asked cautiously. You sighed audibly. For being such a hardened SS soldier he did still have a tendency to act like a child.

“If I really hadn’t wanted this to happen, and if I didn’t fully understand what I was getting myself into, I would have shot you down a long time ago when you first asked me to-”

You inhaled sharply and the effect was instantaneous. Major was concerned and moved closer to you, embracing your shoulders with his arms and murmuring soft, incoherent words into your ear as you began groaning in agony.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

You gripped his arm tightly, your face contorting and the faint vestiges of tears forming in the corners of your eyes as you suffered. It was quite some time before you both felt comfortable enough to let go, and even then Major did not once remove his arms from your shoulders.

“Are you alright?” He asked. His index finger wiped a damp hair from your forehead.

“I don’t think I have much longer…” You panted, “I feel like it’s time… It might be time now.”

“Shall I fetch Herr Doktor?” He asked.

“That would be nice… Hurry if you can. I can’t hold on…”

At your urging Major went swiftly out of the room and returned not ten minutes later with Avondale who appeared at the foot of your cot. He looked you over, frowning all the time while adjusting his glasses.

“You’re progressing rapidly.” He told you. A wave of pain kept your tongue in check, but just by the way you looked at him he could gage just how much you wanted to chew him out for stating the obvious. Tools appeared on a metal tray not five minutes after he spoke, Major stood in the corner by your side huffing and puffing from having to run and fetch them. Among the instruments were a large bottle containing a strange liquid substance, a rag, surgical towels, forceps, clamps, and scalpels in various sizes and shapes. Alongside these in a Petri dish lay the dreaded vampire microchips, and you viewed these with much apprehension.

“You’re going to do it now?” You breathed, reaching for Major’s hand and clutching it tightly when he offered it.

“We’ll have to conduct the procedure soon.” Avondale said, holding a rather menacing looking needle in his hands, “You’re going to be in a world of hurt if we delay this. I can't give you the chip until you're at the cusp of death. Just bear with it a bit longer, you’re about a ten now and I’m going to give you something to speed the process up. Take a deep breath in.”

A wave of pain swept over your body the moment he injected the needle and it made you convulse and cry out. Major was there again steadying your shoulders and whispering in your ear, but the pain was so great you couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying nor could you take comfort in his voice.

"SON OF A BITCH FUCK!" you screamed.

"Calm down." commanded Doctor in his deadly baritone. "It's only going to make matters worse if you start your caterwauling." Avondale made you look him in the eye and began giving you stern instructions, but you could have cared less.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BENT DICKED BASTARD!" you screamed. "JUST SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

You screamed so loud you felt as though your vocal chords would burst. Major’s grip tightened and his voice became cracked as he nearly begged you to listen to the doctor. Desperately you clung to him and feared that you might not make it through this horrible ordeal. You remained vulnerable, riding on wave after wave of pain and barely managing to cry out. Occasionally a scream would rise in your throat only to gurgle out in a strangled, unnatural noise as more pain followed. Your vision became hazy and you snapped your eyes shut. Major and Doctor’s voices melded together and sounded like they were shouting at you from the far end of a tunnel. For a while you were convinced you had fainted because Major’s voice rose to a shriek, and vaguely you felt his hands patting your cheeks as though he was trying to revive you.

Hours passed, time crawled and you remained in this hazy state between wakefulness and sleep. The pain was overwhelming. Voices of the Doctor and Major melded together and separated as you strained, a mantra of countdowns and calming words intermingling with your whimpers and scratchy cries for help. There was nothing any of them could do at this point. You could scream all you want and beg for them to end the suffering, but it would have to run it's course. There was no comfort in Major's words, nor was there any comfort in Doctor's abilities to bring you back from the brink of death.

Doctor had tried to warn you about taking on the responsibilities of Millennium. There were countless risks, something might go wrong. After Major had asked you to go through hell and back for him and earned your acquiescence, the Doctor had taken you aside and asked to speak to you privately. He sat you down in his own laboratory as though you were a child and he was your father, lecturing you on your foolhardy ways. He then proceeded to go through the process of Major's plan in meticulous and gruesome detail, showing you various medical instruments required for the task and explaining clearly what medications would be required for each step of the procedure. In addition to the multitude of instruments, there were accompanying risks. There was a definite possibility that you would die or become damaged from the process. You would have to give up your humanity and become one of the undead. It would be wiser to wait for another more suitable candidate to take on the job instead of putting yourself through the trial.

”You’re what we’d classify as high risk at eighteen.” he’d assured you. “Your hips are far too narrow, there’s risk of high blood pressure due to preeclampsia, your lungs may fill with fluid-”

“I’m going to do it for him Avon.”

”Impared liver function-!”

”I’ve made up my mind.”

”Kidney damage!”

”I don’t care!”

”I DO!” he roared.

He tried to tell you many times. Badgering and pestering you from the time the cells were fertile up until the day the good Doctor had put you on bed rest. When you whimpered in pain from nights too horrible to bear, he would remind you that it was your idea. You’d wanted this. Spread your dignity on a gurney and let yourself be degraded by instruments so barbaric they could hardly be classified as medical in practice. It was what you had wanted, but he constantly reminded you that if you just said the word, it could stop. He could make it look like an accident. He was a doctor after all, who would be as well versed in medicine as he to question?

In the end, you still had your way. You were young, perhaps much too young. It wouldn’t have been wise to put your life at stake for Major’s selfish desires. Yet you had been so eager to please Major. He had asked this favor of you and made you feel important, as though you were the only one he could trust with his work, and you would risk everything for only him. You didn’t want him to fawn over another as he had fawned over you, you were admittedly much too selfish to let someone else become close to him as the two of you had become. Time had a funny way of bonding a pair, and Major had become something akin to a lover, if not a spouse with the way he joked with you and discussed very serious matters. So you bore the pains of this burden and clenched your teeth, repeating the same thing over and over in your mind.

_For Major… For Major…_

Finally, it felt like an eternity, the pain had ceased to a dull throbbing sensation along with this strange ringing in your ears that drowned out Major’s shrieks. A bleary picture began to form as your vision returned; Herr Doctor dabbing a bit of the bottled liquid on a rag, Major at the foot of the cot holding a bundle of bloody towels and trying to tell you something, his voice no more than a low murmur bellow the ringing which grew increasingly louder. It wasn’t until Doctor touched the rag lightly to your nose and you inhaled something vaguely chemical in scent that you realized the ringing wasn’t actually ringing at all. It was something more akin to a kitten mewling, and it was growing progressively louder.

“-boy! A boy!” Major said, his mouth was split open into a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

What was he trying to tell you?

Whatever Doctor was using for an anesthetic caused you to become unable to think straight long enough to speak or pose a question. Now the darkness was returning, the kitten’s mewing subsided to the same dull ringing again, and the throbbing feeling was beginning to subside. You entered a long, dreamless sleep in which there was no pain, and felt comforted by the vague sounds of the ringing and Major’s frantic voice. Eventually those noises too faded, and you woke again to see your room, now dimmed and lighted by candle rather than the harsh lights from before. It was pleasant seeing the dark shadows dance around the light of the flame, and you were almost lulled back into sleep before you saw Major standing over you smiling ever so kindly.

“You did a wonderful job. Simply wonderful.” He murmured, kissing your forehead. You were much too tired to delight at this, but you managed to flash a small smile his way.

“Look.” He said, pointing to something bundled up on a little table, “See how small…”

You glanced briefly in the direction he was pointing and felt a pressure on the side of your head when you did so. A steady beeping noise issued from behind your ear, feeding information to the Doctor and doubtless recording this conversation between you and your commanding officer. It was unnerving. Your senses were in overdrive, you could smell the faint traces of your once human blood mingling in the air along with a strong disinfectant. Yet for now you were too weak to really do anything about it.

You murmured, “It hurts to move my head. Show me…”

With great caution and overwhelming gentleness he lifted the bundle into his arms and carried it to you, laying it into your open arms where you instinctively cradled the towel. A tiny mass of blonde curls wiggled and stirred, and two very bright magenta eyes greeted you in the dim light.

Your breath hitched. You could not move. Time came to a screeching halt, and those eyes kept you locked in their powerful gaze.

“A boy.” Major told you, slipping into a chair beside you and wrapping a chubby arm around you protectively, “It’s a little boy.”

The little one turned up his pink lips in an innocent smile, cooing like a dove. You were mute, totally and unapologetically spellbound by the little creature squirming in your arms who looked this way and that. Sometimes his gaze would fall on the Major and earn a smile that nearly ripped the Kommandant’s face right in half, but always his gaze fell back to you where he would smile and make little sounds as though trying to say in his own infant way that he knew who you were and loved you the best. You inhaled deeply, feeling primal instinct take over as though you were an animal judging its own young. Oddly enough, he didn’t smell delicious like your own blood. In fact, he hardly smelled of anything at all except possibly like a mild soap. The tiny creature was virtually unreadable through scent, and this made the vampire chip disinterested in identifying him as food. Instincts of bloodlust were quelled by a new sense: the strong bond of motherhood and nurturing instead took over completely. You touched the tip of your finger to his cheek and he turned towards it, pink mouth opening and closing. His little face contorted when he found nothing, and he began to cry softly in what sounded like the voice of a very small kitten.

“Help me Max.” You said, free hand fumbling with the buttons on your blouse. Major’s hands went to the buttons, aiding in getting your blouse open and eventually helping you ease the little one up so that he could eat. He did so greedily, latching on tight like a leech and making little noises as he fed. You and Major both watched the baby quietly, looking every so often at each other and smiling whenever he made a soft sound of contentment.

“I have been thinking,” you said after a while, “Perhaps we could name him after my father. He had a very beautiful name, and he did always want me to pass on the name to whatever grandchildren I gave him. It would be a wonderful tribute.”

“Nein. I’ve already thought of a perfect name for him.” Major replied, “I had thought of it just after Herr Doktor told me that your pregnancy was successful, and I had meant for it to be a surprise for you.”

“Oh? What is it?” You asked, touched that he was so thoughtful and considerate towards the little one. Yet almost immediately when he spoke the name your frowned, and your perceptions of his emotions changed drastically.

“Are you serious Max?”

“Perfectly so.” He said with a smile.

“That’s hardly an appropriate name for a child… It’s almost as if you’re mocking him.” You said, frowning and wrapping your arms protectively around the little one as he continued eating, totally oblivious to anything that happened beyond the inviting warmth of your breast.

“But it’s completely appropriate for him!” He countered, pulling back the towel slightly to show you the baby’s ears which flicked every so often as he fed. The baby’s face contorted at the sudden chill. You covered him again and turned slightly away from Major.

“He’s not a pet Max. He’s a little boy and he deserves a proper name.” You told him sternly.

“He is also my genetically altered weapon. Let’s not forget the reason he was created schatzi. Don’t be so stubborn and accept the facts.”

You felt a fresh stab of pain in your heart, and Major noticed the wince from this emotional pain.

“Let’s not talk about that please.” You said quietly, “I just want to give him a nice name, so we won’t have to cross that bridge until we come to it.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, and looked at the baby again. Major hadn’t anticipated your attachment this early after the birth. For a while he almost didn’t understand it, and became angry thinking that you were going to go back on your vows of loyalty. It wasn’t until he really looked at the baby that he understood the charms of the little boy. He was completely quiet now, his noises now were soft and he suckled purely for comfort, eyes drooping shut almost lazily as something began to rumble in his tiny throat.

“Is he starting to purr?” You asked, feeling tiny vibrations pulse through your chest.

“Yes… It’s… I can’t… Ah…” Major was speechless, observing the tiny child with awe.

“You said his donor’s ovum was genetically altered?” You asked, petting the baby’s tiny head while Major nodded, “What the hell did Avondale do to it?”

“It’s as I told you before.” He replied after some time, “He did what he had to in order to make the perfect… Ah…” He stopped and chose his words carefully, “Instrument of… Battle for me. He did plenty of experiments with gene splicing, genetic engineering, he even developed a type of vaccine that would make the baby’s blood unpalatable to artificial vampires. The extent of his power as he develops will be revealed in time, and I think you will understand why I said it was the perfect name for him.”

“Don’t call him an instrument Max.” You chastised gently, “While he may have had treatments in the past as an embryo, and been made from a cell that was not my own, that still doesn’t change my point. He’s my little boy. I gave birth to him and fed him, and I think he should have a more fitting name.”

“I think it’s very fitting.” He said again, voice sounding a little angry, but there was a certain kind of playfulness in his eyes that betrayed his true feelings, “You’re only being my stubborn little mutti as you always are. That will be his name and that’s the end of it.”

You looked at him with the most exasperated of expressions, opening your mouth for one last protestation though you knew your Major would just keep protesting until eventually you would have to give in. How you came to love such a stubborn little pouf of a man was beyond your knowledge, but you did love him anyway. Even if he didn’t really understand that a child resembling a cat shouldn’t have such a name.

“I just wish you could have thought of something more suitable than Schrödinger.” You said with a tired smile.


End file.
